GOD Knows.

As you probably already know, I'm religious. My faith is a huge part of my life. So if you're offended by people talking about their faith or their belief in God, please don't read this post.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have so much that I'm thankful for. Sure I've had some ups and downs, but it's very evident looking back on my life how much God continues to bless our family.

When we were ready to have kids, we merely thought "maybe we should have a/another baby" and the next month we were pregnant.

When Madelyn was about 14 months old, Keith and I were discussing the possiblity of another child. We went back and forth, but agreed that we wanted 1 more to complete our family. Being I hadn't received my "monthly blessing" yet after Madelyn was born (yes, breastfeeding for 12 months is good for some things!), planning was tough. We weren't trying, but we weren't preventing, either.

One day I was curious, so I took a test. It was very faintly positive, but positve none-the-less. I re-read the directions and searched the internet, and was delighted by the fact that "positive is positive", even if it's faint. Yay! I was pregnant!

Keith and I were excited. A little surprised, but completely excited. This was what we wanted.

The next morning I didn't feel well. I had horrible cramping, and I got my period. And this wasn't just any period. It was a bad period. It was obvious that this wasn't the possible spotting that can happen with pregnancy. There was no chance that I was still pregnant.

I was sad. Very sad. They say a horomone drop after a miscarriage is worse than after having a baby. This was so true for me. I literally sat on the couch and cried.all.day.long. But it wasn't from the thought of thinking that my baby had died... more of an uncontrolled horomonal sadness than had taken over. It's evident that God was giving me a peace about this hard situation... a peace that can only come from above.

We were very blessed to become pregnant the very next month again (I am at 10 1/2 weeks already!). I have thought a few times about that baby, though. Would it have been a boy or a girl? Would this baby have had the same spunky personality that Carsen & Madelyn have? Someday I'll find out.

Going through this process was tough, but I also knew that God knew exactly what was going on and had His hand in the situation the whole way through. God knows exactly what is best for our life. God has a perfect plan for our life. God knows.

I've read over and over that there's nothing one can do to prevent a miscarriage, and that most miscarriages occur b/c of something that isn't healthy in the baby. I may never know. But I also know that God's plan is perfect. Maybe he thought that suffering a *very early* miscarriage would be easier emotionally on me than dealing with a lifetime of whatever problem my baby may have had. (obviously if the baby would have lived, we would have loved and cared for the baby, regardless of any imperfections that it may have had).

Hind site is always 20/20. (sometimes I wish that Fore-site was, too!) :) I can't help but look back and thank God for what he has blessed my family with. I know of friends who have been much further along in their pregnancies and have lost their baby. I knew I was pregnant for a whopping 24 hours, and that was tough enough. I can't imagine how hard it would be going through further along in one's pregnancy.

So all this to say... if you're going through a hard time, God knows. If you're struggling in your marriage, God knows. If you're struggling financially, God knows. If you're dreading Thanksgiving this year because you feel like you don't have much to be thankful for, God knows. And HE cares.

I have many wonderful earthly relationships that I am so thankful for. My husband, children, parents, siblings, distant family members and awesome friends are all people I thank God for. Those relationships aren't perfect, though. Everyone will let you down at some time or another. But God is always there. Sometimes He doesn't give me the answer I want to hear or allows me go through situations that may seem unfair, but I also know that His way and His plan is perfect for me.

No matter what you're going through, count your blessings this holiday. Find something to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

Disclaimer: I am not seeking any sympathy out of my miscarriage. It was simply a situation that I went through and wanted to share.